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13 junio

Still Here

Sorry for the lapse . . . the world is just spinning so fast.
 
At the end of my last post, I told you exactly how stressful our lives had become by the time Mike came back around and started running his store again.
 
So, the torment at work continued for me, my coworkers, and Lana, my supervisor. Not only was the stress of dealing with upset customers weighing on us, but employees were leaving left and right, fed up by the loss of business in a tight economy or the pressure put upon them by angry customers. The phones rang all day long for calls about late or skipped deliveries; broken, scratched and shredded merchandise; or damages to customers' homes
 
Mike was overwhelmed by the money that his store and his region had lost while he was gone, and he began a tyrannical campaign to save money and save his reputation with the head honchos. He cut down on hours and hired outside delivery services, robbing all employees of their regular pay. He demanded repairs to even the most damaged furniture, pushing it into customers' homes at almost any discount, just to get it out of the warehouse. He even forced employees to work through lunches to meet delivery times and repair schedules, then asked Lana to shave the lunch hours from their paychecks when preparing payroll.
 
No one in the store knew where he had been or what was going on, but Jennifer seemed to grow close to him. He quickly gave her a promotion to "3rd Assistant Manager," which meant little except that she was making more money and skipping out on the "peon" duties. She spent a great deal of time in his office with the door locked and closed, and they both insisted they were discussing store operations, but the rumor mill started turning and soon everyone in the store was believing these two married adults were having an elicit affair.
 
The military enlistment process continued for me. There was a great deal of paperwork to be done and I was always waiting . . . waiting . . . waiting for the next step. It became clear that, with the seriousness of my HPV, I might not be allowed to join the Air Force. Josh and I were discouraged by this, but mostly we were afraid that it would progress to cervical cancer, which would be a devastating blow to our already strenuous exisence.
 
Joshua's excitement about the Honor Guard and the Air Force was dampening during his stint as the Officer in Charge of Scheduling. He was beginning new programs, writing operations manuals, and creating databases that greatly improved the efficiency of the entire unit, but he was also dealing with a difficult supervisor who didn't appreciate his zealousness and push for productivity.
 
I was growing tired of the unfamiliar structure of operations in the Honor Guard as opposed the the old ways back at Luke AFB. Josh was receiving late night phone calls from his subordinates about frivolous matters, and constantly teaching them how to deal with their personal matters, including finances, car troubles, and deaths in the family. It was almost too much for me to handle, mostly due, I think, to the fact that I had never seen a supervisor who exerted so much effort and went so far out of his or her way to teach a young person the value of good personal and professional ethics and forming good habits. I had never really had an adequate supervisor.
 
Mike was impossible to deal with. He was moody and touchy and most people were afraid to knock on his door, much less piss him off and get called into the office. However, people were shocked that he was spending so much time in the store and working on weekends for the first time in years. What they didn't know, but I understood all along, was that he was doing all of this to avoid going back to his cell at night. You see, Mike was a participant in the correctional facility's "work release" program, and he could only leave the prison to come to work. It was a joke to me.
 
Then, one day, Josh and I were out of town, taking some much needed time away from our troubles, and Lana called to tell me that Jordan, the Operations Manager and second in command of the store, had been fired and the Delivery Manager, Anthony, was filing an EEO complaint against the store. I was shocked to hear this news.
 
But the battle was only beginning.
15 abril

Intro

I made a decision, at some point in the beginning of the last year, to make a change. Whether I made that decision before or after the occurrence of so many disturbing events in my workplace is probably not entirely significant to the fact that I joined the Air Force.

 

It wasn’t a decision I made on a whim and Joshua was certainly involved. He has, after all, been in the Air Force for nearly six years, which (I think) makes him a reliable resource. The choice was made after many late nights and months of agony over the direction my life had taken – I was a cashier in a furniture store, working a schedule which prevented me from continuing my education and robbing me of valuable time with my husband.

 

The process began one evening after work with a phone call to a local recruiter. After a friendly exchange of information, an appointment was set. I would need to complete a fair amount of paperwork, take the ASVAB examination and make a two-day trip to a processing center for a health physical before reserving a job. For now, though, it was just an appointment . . . a date looming in the future . . . an idea.

 

Prior to my decision and during the events that followed, Joshua was fervently working to finish his Master’s Degree. He had been placed in a new position within the Honor Guard – supervisor of scheduling. While adjusting to the job (meant for a much higher ranking person than himself), he began to see the value of his opinion within the organization and how little his ideas were given consideration. Nevertheless, he excelled.

 

I was suffering with severe cervical dysplasia and HPV. After hoping for nearly a year that it would go away, a new examination proved it was getting worse. Joshua and I braced ourselves for bad news.

 

Meanwhile, my workplace had begun to impact a great deal of pressure upon me. Lana, my close friend and mentor was my (very unhappy) supervisor in the customer service department; she could sense that things were getting worse, too. Secretly, we discussed our plans to leave – me to the military and she to a new home out-of-state with her family – and somehow managed to survive the stress of a hostile environment.

 

Mike, the store’s general manager and manager for the region, was MIA; he had taken a leave of absence with little explanation and no one knew where he was or what he might be doing. Rumors buzzed that perhaps Jen, the merchandise manager, knew of Mike’s whereabouts. Business continued; although without a store manger to lead operations, sales were dropping, employees were cheating and stealing, and employee morale hit an all-time low.

 

The customer service department felt the burn: we were hounded by angry customers whose deliveries were horribly botched; returns were rewarded left and right, sales reps losing their commission every time; the warehouse was filling with damaged furniture and customers were consistently disappointed. We believed it would never end.

 

One day I received a call from a stranger, identifying himself as a correctional officer from the local big house. Not caring to recognize the sensitivity of the issue, I’m sure, the officer gave me new information as to the whereabouts of Mike, my boss; he had been in prison for nearly two months.

 

I immediately passed the call to Lana, who later swore me to secrecy over the issue. She shared what information she could: Mike had been arrested on his fourth DUI and an additional charge – possession and distribution of narcotics. He was being released to work in our store during the day, expected to return to the correction facility afterward.

 

And so, dressed in his best suit, Mike returned to his duties as regional and store manager.

14 abril

The Breath of Life

Well, we’re still alive.

 

The past year (and then some) has been a whirlwind of rocky foundations and new beginnings, for both me and my husband Joshua. We are still very happy – closer than ever, in fact. I’ve never forgotten about my Spaces family, but have neglected to wrench myself away from the real world to vent my life frustrations over cyberspace.

 

And now I think it’s time for me to tell the story of my life since my last post. It’s been a long, emotionally and physically difficult road to get here, along which Joshua has supported all of my ups and downs, despite his own personal and professional battles.

 

I am not prepared to begin just yet. There is so much to say that it will take weeks of posts to get it all out – and yet, I think it will help me immensely just to put the words out there.

 

I’m hoping that eventually this blog will take a different direction. Between chapters of my story, I’d like to discuss current events that effect me and my husband, the progress of my continuing education, present-day news from our personal lives and the career paths upon which we are about to embark. I also have loads of new pictures and comical reminiscence to share.

 

What I would like to know is how many readers are still out there, still willing to hear my story and respond with opinions.

01 diciembre

All About Charlie

 
So I realized when I logged on just now that a lot of people were going nuts for the Charlie story I posted yesterday.  I guess I don't really talk about him as often as I should; after all, he's a huge part of our lives.  He is such a character, sometimes I don't know whether he will make me laugh or scream.  So many things he does make him completely unique.  Now I think would be a good time to tell you all the things about Charlie that I haven't said before.
 
First of all, he's a cuddler.  He has to be as close to a warm body as his physical form will allow.  He prefers to be on my lap, so it drives him crazy when I'm sitting on the couch with the computer on my lap.  If he gets really upset with me for not letting him sit right on top of me, he will jump down off the sofa and sit on the other side of the room, making sure to face me so not only will I know he's mad at me, but also so he'll know as soon as my lap opens up.
 
Then, he needs to be pet as frequently and constantly as possible.  His way of telling me this is to nudge my hands with his nose and lick my fingers.  So I'll pet him and pet him and then leave him to his cuddling, but it's never good enough . . . as soon as he sees my hand move away, he's nudging and licking again.
 
Of course, he's got to have time to himself.  I'm not sure what he does all day when Josh ad I are gone, but I know he enjoys running full-force along the fenceline, back and forth with the dog next door.  He has SO many toys he can't ever play with just one at a time.  Usually, he will pull apart the pile and select two or three that he really loves,  then take them aside to gnaw on them until he gets bored.  This can go on for several hours at times.
 
Charlie has a howling bark that makes him sound anything but tough.  Let's see . . . what does it sound like?  I can't think of anything.  It's completely different than anything I've ever experienced.  We try to keep him from barking, though.  I'm sure it drives the neighbors crazy.
 
He's really great at doing the puppy eyes.  When he's in big trouble, he'll combine the puppy eyes with the cowering maneuver and it totally breaks my heart.  Plus, I don't even have to tell him to go to his kennel when he's been busted, he just does it to get away!
 
Wrestling with him is so funny because he likes to poise himself on his back legs for a few seconds and then POUNCE!  If he could speak, at just the moment when he's standing on his back legs (with his front paws kinda wavin' around) he would say "Huwaaaaaaaa . . ." kinda like the ninjas in every bad ninja movie ever made.  Sometimes, Charlie will start to play kinda rough and use his teeth when we wrestle, but all I have to do is say "OUCH!" and his takes a step back and waits to make sure I'm okay.
 
All in all, Charlie's a lover, not a fighter.  He's literally one of my best friends:  such a good listener and he's always there when I need a hug.  One thing is for sure, he sits next to me EVERYTIME I post, so he takes a big part in this blog.
 
 
I'm starting to doze off.  My mother-in-law and I have been browsing eBay together over the phone and it's been pretty fun.  However, it's been a long freakin' day.  The good news is -- I made two solid sales today.  It was a very good day for me.  Josh is having a boys' night out at the bar, although he did volunteer to be DD (he makes me so proud).  He's gonna crash at one of his buddies' house because he planned to be back over there to rewire a truck in the morning and I told him it would a better idea if he didn't try to make it home so late.
 
Me?  I'm going to bed.  Night!
23 junio

OOPS!

It seems like I won't be able to post from my desktop computer at home anymore.  Now that Spaces has gone "LIVE!", my outdated version of Windows MediaPlayer won't allow my page to load -- much less any other page.  Unfortunately, the problem is unfixable for two reasons: first, our desktop pc is old and tiny -- it processes information a little slower than fancy, huge computers; secondly, it was kind of a leftover from my mother-in-law's office, given to us when they were ready for new technology, so I think the program update has decided it was stolen!
 
I swear it was a gift.  I don't think any desperate fool would steal that computer.
 
So, until I find a way to hook our laptop up to the internet solely for the purpose of blogging, I'll have to just post from work on my lunch break.  I guess it's not all that bad.
 
Speaking of work, I've been behind all week because I tried to update my shipping on Monday.  I didn't get anything done all day thanks to that.  No orders went in, no artwork was created, no product inquiries were replied.  I've had over 100 emails (and that's with all the spam erased!) just sitting in my inbox all week because of this.  Sure, I get stuff sent out and reply to questions, but I've had so many phone calls, walk ins, and orders to take care of that it's been hard to get to any of it.  Today I'm finally down to 60 emails and it feels like a major accomplishment.
 
When I came in on Wednesday at 9 am, the office was a stir of people coming in and out, my boss was on the phone for the first half of the day, and I had to take messages down for just about every other call he would have taken.  Why?  Because someone had tried to break in.  Well . . . that was our first assumption.  You see, the glass door had shattered from a point along the mail slot all the way out and accross to the other side of the door.
 
We figured someone had reached in the slot, grabbed tight and pulled hoping to get the door open (which would have been unsuccesful anyway, because the alarm would have registered some movement and sounded before he even came in the door.)  But alas!  Upon entering the front door we found a package!  A stack of six-inch wide aluminum street sides about an inch and a half thick.  The following is how I imagine the whole ordeal unfurled:
 
The delivery guy must have skipped the whole "mail slot" title and decided to shove the aluminum through the hole.  "Wow!  It's working!" he must have thought victoriously to himself as he wiggled and pushed until the signs were almost all the way inside. 
 
And then, it stuck. It stuck hard.  The delivery guy shoved and the paper wrapping around the stack tore open.  He shove again and shredded the white coating from the surface of some of the signs.  He kept shoving, knowing that if he pulled the signs out he'd have to come back later with damaged goods, but if he left the signs half way through the mail slot, he'd been in trouble.
 
Finally, with one last shove, the glass shattered.  With some amazing the luck, the signs went through and he darted back to his truck almost before he heard the stack hit the floor on the other side.
 
My boss called the delivery company upon finding the stack of damaged signs inside the door.  It was obvious that the delivery man had been the culprit.  However, when the individual was questioned about it, he denied that he had done it and insisted he was "99% sure" that it was cracked when he got there.
 
Two things (if in fact it had been that way before he arrived):  why shove a large package through the mail slot of an obviously unstable glass door?  and why not call someone upon discovering the obviously unstable glass door?  Notify your boss, call the number on the door?  All of the pieces to this story add up to mean one thing:  this was one dense fool.
 
In the end, the aluminum company covered the cost of the replacement glass in the hopes that they would not lose our invaluable business.  After all, they are the fools who employ the small local delivery company that has, on more than a few occasions, completely baffled and disappointed us with their horrible service.  The worst part is that not only did the aluminum company have to pay for the glass to give us a complete door again, but they had to pay for the glass that had to be ordered with a mail slot that will be put in at a later date.  We're hoping to save them some money by begging the building manager to nix the mail slot replacement.
 
And this is the most excitement I've had in my life, the only excitement that has been worth writing about, in a month.  Geez . . . I need to go skydiving or something . . .
04 mayo

Bad Day

Cry

 
 
(Ash writes:)  The song I've chosen today is very fitting of the way my day began.  I truly did get off to a bad start.  My morning went alright:  I was out of bed in plenty of time to get ready AND have breakfast - a rarity for me.  Also, my paper was finished (and rather good if I may say so) for English and today was the last day to meet for that class, so I was looking forward to getting it done.
 
To my surprise, our instructor wanted us each to give a synopsis of our 12-page paper and discuss it as a class.  They had started this the week prior when I was not in class, so most of the students had given there summary and I was one of the few left to do so.  I did, and people were interested.  There was a discussion that lasted for a few minutes before the teacher asked us to move on to the next.  Someone had done their research on Hurricane Katrina relief efforts, it was very interesting.  Another guy did his paper on the mentally ill, which I was impressed with because, come to find out, he works with patients of this type all the time.
 
One of the final papers we discussed during the class period was written by a student named Carl (name changed), who, I thought, chose a very good topic with some controversy to it:  Sexual Harrassment in the Workplace.  He gave a great summary and opened up a discussion for fellow students to make comments or ask questions.  Immediately, one student, a retired fellow returning for a trivial degree, spoke up to voice his opinion. 
 
This man, we'll call him Randy, is known to be very strongly opinionated and careless in regard to other people's opinions.  His paper takes a very conservative stance on immigration and calls for the U.S. to completely shut down its borders with Mexico.  So you see, very extreme.  Well, Randy's ideas about sexual harrassment were very apparent very quickly. He started by saying:
 
"I am so sick of hearing about stuff like this.  When I was working for (Such and Such, Inc), claims like these took up 50% of my time as a manager.  I get so bored with hearing about whose paperweight is offensive and who makes lude jokes."
 
I quickly retorted (as I try to do with egocentrics like himself) that he could never understand the background of the women making these claims to decide whether they were warranted or not.  He gave examples of some ridiculous claims and I agreed, yes, many people do take it far out of control and they are wrong for it, but a manager, as such, cannot discriminate which cases he will consider and which he will not.
 
I told him, and the class, that in my experience many women will develop innate fears of strange men or people in general because of a bad experience from their past.  I said these situations contribute to the nerve-racking paranoia that some women just cannot help.  I listed experiences that contribute to this phenomenon such as being molested as a child, being physically abused by someone close, or being raped (as is my case, although I didn't mention that).
 
Randy laughed.  HE LAUGHED.  He rolled his eyes and made some comment that eluded to the idea that women who put themselves in situations like THOSE deserve what is coming (although he didn't specifically say it).
 
I walked out of the classroom for fear I might strangle him.  I made it safely to the girls' bathroom before I burst into tears and began sobbing incontrollably.  I comtemplated whether choking was a painful enough death for someone so disgusting.  Once I had regained my composure, I put my sunglasses over my eyes and went back to the class.  My classmate asked if I was alright and I nodded quickly, trying not to break into a fit again.
 
I'm sure you know how a person can often be upset but be very well concealing it, and then someone will show concern for them and ask them what may be wrong, and the person will completely lose it.  Yeah, I did that.  I was fine for the most part until my instructor walked over, leaned down, and asked "Are you okay?"  I was until you asked!
 
She quickly pulled me out of my chair and we ran out of the classroom before anyone had a good idea what was happening.  Some of my classmates told me that Randy leaned over to someone and asked "What was that about?"  His reaction was "Oh shit" when he was told it was something HE had said.
 
I was so embarrassed. My teacher had a hard time trying to get me to talk to her because I was crying so hard I couldn't speak and she looked like she was about to cry herself.  She explained to me that she was repeatedly harrassed when she was an assistant for a big-wig once upon a time, so she knows how hard it can be to deal with jerks like Randy who don't understand.  I finally opened up and told her that I was raped by someone I trusted a year and a half ago.
 
I told her that I was lucky to work for such a small company because I know the people I work with well.  However, I still get nervous when we hire someone new (as is the case for the moment), but that feeling is part of who I am now and I will never be able to avoid it.
 
I hate people like Randy who tell me that I was asking for what happened to me.  Never in a thousand years would I have asked for that attack, and never would I wish it upon anyone else.  I wish I could have told him that it was people like him and voices like his that prevented me from coming out about it for three months.  I was so afraid that if people knew the circumstances, they would call me a liar or worse, tell me I deserved it.  I realize NOW how wrong I was, but that didn't stop me from being hurt by what Randall said.  His attitude, his reaction to the whole idea, makes me sick to me stomach.
 
And to top it off, I may have possibly screwed up a large order at work and upset my boss . . . we'll see.  At any rate, this song is so fitting today and it just happens to be one of my newer favorites,  one I play over and over again until the song doesn't play off the CD anymore.  It is probably one I'll add to the CD MIX I'll be sending my friend Jenn next week.
 
So anyway . . . a bad start to a long day.  The good news is . . . it's all downhill from here.
14 noviembre

So Sorry! *cringe*

(Ash writes:)  Ya'll have bee too patient with me.  It's been months since I've written, and you'll be happy to know that I feel VERY guilty for it.  If I thought life was busy or hectic right after Josh and I got married, though, I was not nearly prepared for life today.  We've both been up to our necks in new business to take care of and old business to renew.  Here's a quick update:
 
I've registered for classes next semester!  I'm still very excited about school, have decided to be a high school English teacher.  My brother just finished school at Texas A&M and started his new job as a history teach for a high school outside of Houston on the northwest side.  I'm not sure what school it is, but I am SO excited for him.  YAY!  My only problem with school right now is that my classes were too simple from the very beginnning and have recently started to bore me to tears.  Finals will be coming shortly, though, so that should help me get motivated.  Next semester I have a full load again, 15 credit hours:  English 102, Math 142, Psychology 101, Communications (Public Speaking), and a beginning education class.  I'm stoked!
 
Joshua and I are moving into a GREAT new apartment at the end of the month!  We're both so excited, we can't wait.  It's 180 sq. feet bigger than our current apartment; has many more windows for a lighter, spacious feeling; a security system; and so many amazing amenities.  It's in a gated community, so we won't have to worry about people breaking into our cars any more.  It's just gonna be great.  It's quite a bit more expensive than our current quarters, but Josh and I have worked so hard to be able to afford it, we think we deserve it.
 
JOSH IS GOING TO BE 21 ON DECEMBER 6.  He's truly excited about it.  I don't think becuase of the alcohol, but just for the fact that he has no restrictions.  I'm sure he feels more like a man now that no one can tell him no.  (Not that he wasn't a man when he graduated from basic training, but that's the vibe I get from him.)  I'm really hoping one of his friends will step up and take him out to celebrate.  I'd love to see him get puke-drunk on his birthday for the very first time (so he'll already have learned his lesson).  Oh yeah, and I'm turning 20 on December 3.  How funny is it that we're almost exactly a year apart?
 
Also, Josh is reapplying for OTS in January.  We really need everyone's prayers with us on this one.  We're both completely aware that it's a stretch so early in this career, but we do have a chance.  Josh changed his occupation preferences to agree with the positions that they need most to fill.  It may mean a greater chance of having him deployed, but it's not as if that's NOT an experience he wants to have.  I think he's probably looking forward to that opportunity.  Meanwhile, he finds new, fantastic ways to shock and amaze his coworkers and superiors every day, but we're not surprised with that.
 
Christmas is approaching very quickly and Josh and I feel completely prepared.  We've been home bodies for a while now in and effort to save whatever money we can.  We've got a tree, some great decorations, and a plan for a plethora of GREAT gifts (not that Christmas is about the presents, but it's still nice, right?)  Josh got his early because he needed it desperately for logical reasons:  a set of nearly-new golf clubs.  That's right, Josh golfs now (and he's not too shabby for a rookie).  I know what my present is already, but only because I had to be a consultant in the selection process:  I'm getting an acrylic paint set.  YAY!  Josh and I see these new toys as ways to spend time away from each other when we need "alone time".  We both think it's a wise investment for each of us to have a hobby.
 
Can't think of any other updates for you guys.  I need to get over to other people's pages to get some updates of my own.  Until next time, keep smiling!
24 mayo

War...

(Joshua Writes:) Churchill once said: "War... is hell." If it's so bad why do I long to be there so much. No not hell, I've been saved since I was 10, but i'm talking about the real thing... I want to be in Iraq so bad I can't stand it. Even before I met Ashley over a year ago i've been wanting to go to Iraq/Afgan/Kuwait where ever the world needed me, but now it's different.

Some people are content with waking up doing their three "S's" going to work, putting in a full days work, then comming home with their love ones only to go to bed and do it all over again. It's not to say that I don't want that, but my life has been anything but normal. Alright so here's a little background on me: I grew up in a military home where both of my parents were military, but i've never met my father, another unwanted child. But my mom did a damn fine job of raising me so there's no issues there. She had to get out of the Air Force when I was about eight and we had to move to NM to live with my Grandparents. The small town that I lived in was trash, and when I say trash it's literal in so many ways. The town is old and run down, the people have no ambition and it's just a horriable place to live. To top it off it was difficult growing up in a town like this with such violence. There where days, when I went to a specific school that it was just best to run home. It was a horriable place to be but it built character and aged me all at the same time. By the time I was... oh say 16 I couldn't count on two hands how many friends I had lost because of violence or drugs/sucide whatever. But still... it builds character. I joined the military because it was probably the only sane part of me where I felt like a human being should feel.

Basic Training: If anyones ever seen the movies it's just like that, BUT FUN!!! I hated basic and had so much fun at the same time. I would sit here all night and tell stories of getting thrown in lockers and beds flipped on me... ahhh it was great, but I shall spear you all... you're welcome. I'm not mental I swear... but even there I knew that I was safe. After this I went to tech. school for eight months in the middle of Texas. This was such a great time because you really get to see what a military life is going to be life. You met people there that you might or might not remember, but there's a feeling there that you'll never forget. It was here that I started to get those same familiar feelings from when I was a kid and my mom would take me to the base and I use to hang out with the pilots as they taught me to make paper air planes. So at this point in my life I know the military is all or nothing. Keep in mind while i'm in basic and tech. school my step brother is in Afgan. and I just lost a good family friend to the war. Side note while I remember it... I became an Airman... officially on Sept 11, 2002. We had just got done with "Warrior week" and none of us knew what was going on... we get back from a five mile course and we lined up and they started to play that song "proud to be an american." My M.T.I. comes down the row and hands me my Airmans coin and tells me hes proud to serve with me... son. That was such an amazing feeling. Anyways... in tech. school I advance to the senior Red Rope of the squadron... some 400/500 people i'm kinda incharge of. Next I know i'm graduating and then two days later i'm in Phoenix.

Within my first five months on station i'm already my flights Airman of the Quarter, and then i'm Airman of the Quarter again the next quarter. Come december i'm Airman on the Year in a flight of 140 Airman, not to shabby. I worked my butt off everday that I was there and it just felt good. Yeah i'm severly mistreated at times but they've taken the time to show their appriciation. So the list goes on... I learn my job quick and take five months of school into two. Then i'm the 2003 ORI "Superior Performer." Come spring I get promoted to Senior Airman Below the Zone.... one of three selected out of fifty. I get to do other cool things as my career goes on... i've flown an F-16 fighter jet, i've marched the Bataan Memorial Death March (26.2 mile ruck march with 60 lbs. ruck sack on my back,) completed my A.S. degree in eight months, my B.S.O.E. in nineteen months and now i'm three classes into an M.B.A. and the list goes on and on. It's not to say that i'm not greatful for every single thing that i've accomplished or been recognized for, but I still have this longing to go to war. Ashley and I were sitting and watching the History channel and all I could think about is how much I want to be there.... then I look at her and think... how could I ever leave her? Forget all those awards and accomplishments... They mean nothing... Ashley is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. But is it still wrong to want to go to war? Is it still wrong to want to serve my country reguardless of whom supports it? I was at a military Dinning Inn Friday night and the guest speaker had all of us recite the "Oath." "I do solumly swear that I will defend the constitution of the United States against all enemys..." I give my life for that Oath... I give my heart to my wife... I give my soul to God.

Where do you draw the line of Soldier and Husband?

20 mayo

God Never Gives Us More Than We Can Handle...

(Joshua Writes:) Hello all,

Well it's ONLY a quarter to 2300 and i'm even tired considering the longest night i've had in a long time. Yesterday I got off work early and I thought that I would be able to get some quality study time in for my promotion to Staff Sergeant before Ash got off work. Well by the time I get in my civilian cloths I get a call saying that she had left work early because she wasn't feeling well. I didn't think much of it, she's been sick before and nothing really happened from it. Well after I was there for a while Ash started to feel really bad so we decided that we are going to go to the ER. Now keep in mind even she did get sick next week after the wedding we still couldn't go to the base emergency room because of contracting issues so ALL GI's have to go to civilan hospitals. I haven't been to a civilian hospital in about six years so it's all foregin to me. I'm so use to going in there, telling them what's wrong getting in with a doctor and moving on with life... We were at the hospital for well over six hours. That's a long time to be at a hospital. We didn't get there until 1900 so it was already pretty late but there was no way I could have EVER imagined that we would spend six hours at a hospital. I was so worried about Ash I couldn't even sit down. Poor girl couldn't even stand up, however I did get to play good husband and I raced her around the hospital in a wheel chair. Yeah... I took out a few old ladies but it's cool... *pulls up pants/sniffles.* Even in Ashleys worst pain in her life... she can still take the time to criticize my driving abilities. I have to admit that I was a little afraid. I didn't know that she was in that much pain and the last thing on my mind was offending someone by running over their foot with my wife in a wheel chair. That wasn't in the hospital's code of ethics. And even if there was a code of ethics Customer Service obviously doesn't rank highly on their priority scale. Maybe i'm just go 'gung ho' and lived life by "procedure" for so long I wasn't prepared for the lack of organization and professionialism (Yeah I don't know if I spelt that right, I swear I have an I.Q. of 140 but I couldn't spell if my bowl of ABC's cereal depended on it. So everytime someone reads something that I read and finds common spelling errors just laugh... that's my contribution to the world... through my humor.) Well before I ramble on to much Ashley IS doing better. I'm still worried about her and I don't know how much better she actually is but I can she that she's smiling more, which is always a good thing. Believe it or not I think that this whole experiance brought me closer to the whole "marriage" thing. I was standing next to her bed holding her hand until about 0015 and we didn't get home until about 0100... on top of that I had to be up at 0500 to go to work. I should be tired but prehaps i'm more exileriated... just laugh... about that whole feeling. This companionship I have with Ashley is something that i've longed for my entire life. If something so simple as a look from someone that you love so much you would do anything for them can change your entire perspective of life... how much better does life really need to be?

Alright all you kiddos... sleep tight... and hold on to your love ones tonight... i've still got another seven days... seventeen hours and fourty mintues until I can hold on to mine every night.

06 mayo

From the Beginning

(Ash writes:)  Okay so this is our FIRST blog entry.  What do we say?  Haha . . . makes you think of open mic at the comedy club:  *thunk thunk*  Is it on?  But truthfully, I want to start by telling the story of Josh and me.

I graduated high school in May 2004 and decided to get the hell out of Dodge (a.k.a. Show Low), and moved back down to Goodyear, where I grew up.  One night while hanging out with one of my best friends, we'll call her Mackenzy, we found ourselves at an old friend's apartment, trying not to be bored.  Zach was in the air force and we had met him through Mackenzy's ex boyfriend, months before.  Now Zach was living with Josh, who was also in the air force (and very good looking). 

Josh first struck me as quiet and standoffish.  I kept forgetting his name (I've never told him that), and I couldn't get him to talk to me until I started flirting.  Finally he responded by making impressions of Pauly Shore and showing off his air force awards and commendations.  We spent the entire night talking and actually fell asleep next to each other.  When we woke up the next morning, Josh told me in a whisper that I was beautiful, that he really liked me, but that his life was too busy for him to entertain anything more than friendship.  He promised that if I could stick around and prove to be a true friend, he'd try something more than friendship in the future.  I've never been a patient person, but I promised the same.  If you told me that morning that I'd spend the rest of my life with the guy who was staring into my eyes at that moment . . . I don't know . . . I probably would have laughed . . . I'd definitely have smiled.

That was the last time I saw Josh for nearly seven months.  We talked a few more times that week but he finally stopped calling and I took that as a subtle "leave me alone" message, so I did.  I moved on, dated other guys, went through a few tragedies and one enormous broken heart.  Josh dated around a little, too, met another girl in the air force who he dated for a few months until she ended up cheating on him.

Christmas Eve, 2004:  my phone rings and I can't recognize the number.  When I answer it, the guy on the other line says "Ashley?  Hi . . . this is Josh."  It took me almost a minute to register who I was talking to.  I think I had tried to forget him.  I think part of me knew he was everything I wanted and because I didn't think I could have him, I was trying so hard to let go.

Because I was seeing someone (albeit not very seriously), Josh and I agreed to be friends.  We met for coffee every now and then, and he called me once a week to make sure things in my life were not breaking me down (I was going through a rough time).  When my boyfriend (at the time) and I broke up, Josh was entirely supportive and didn't cross any lines.  But when I got sick two weeks later and Josh came to take care of me, I crossed every line (and actually got him sick, too).

That's when we both started falling.  Josh sewed his wild oats and broke ties with casual girlfriends while I impatiently waited for him to discover that he needed me (at least, I was hoping he needed me and that he'd soon realize it).  We went through a rough first few weeks, but we've been together since . . . February 23? . . . yeah, sure . . . and we're both so happy.

At 5 am (he loves waking me up early) on Sunday, April 24th, Joshua got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife.  I said no. 

Okay . . . just kidding, I said "of course, baby" and the rest is -- well, soon-to-be history.

People say we're moving fast and tell us that we're still kids.  Perhaps that's the truth but if Josh and I lived our lives like everyone else, we wouldn't be Josh and Ashley, and things would never have been this perfect.  We're two intelligent young individuals and we may not have everything figured out, but we know what we want and we know how to get there.  We've just decided to do it together.